Grading for 8th Kyu
Too many minds!
After I graded for 9th Kyu last November, I was extremely frustrated. I resented what had happened and I hated the way I felt about it.
I was in fact expecting a “double grading”; I was training nearly every day and participating in the fighters preps, in spite of severe injuries. Not only was I demonstrating an outstanding spirit, but I was certain that having been 3rd kyu 20 years ago & chosen to start again at white belt was setting me up on a faster track.
Not to avail! I passed the test and obtained the next grade along with everybody else. It is embarrassing to admit that it upset me beyond reason.
I had to vent this frustration:
To vent my frustration; I wrote “a report” in my workout log that claimed and gathered the support of the forum community; I behaved in a way that my dojo peers and superiors would understand my discontentment; I provoked discussions which served as a springboard to advance my own ideas; I even wrote a letter to our Shihan …but did not send it.
What I exposed was my disagreement with poor selection criteria that allowed everyone to pass regardless of their technical skill, level of efforts, etc…
What I was really saying was that I knew I deserved a better grade than 9th kyu, and that anyone that would not recognize that was just a blind idiot!
So much for the virtues of humility.
But I was wrong!
Not that I did not deserve a better grade.
I was wrong to think that because I deserved it, I would obtain it. For some reasons, life does not unfold that way; it has its own timings, sequences and lags, often tied with what one needs to learn!
I was wrong to expect that what was beyond my control; and wrong to wave my own desires in people’s face.
I have been known for, at times, displaying extreme childish behavior — this was one of those times. Maybe in truth, I needed that lesson.
What about now?
Tonight is testing for 8th Kyu; I know I am ready, I have trained hard, my injuries have healed & I am stronger too.
My purpose is to go through the test to the best of my abilities, to be present and whole. I will trust the process and understand that even Shihans are Humans. I have no other expectation outside of fulfilling that purpose…
…I nevertheless have the hope that somehow our organization will tighten its standards, fed with the recent news that a test in SuZhou went pretty badly and many failed; but I will not concern myself with that now!
It is already a win!
My spirit is high, my mind is clear, my body is ready and expecting.
Osu!
.
See also:
- What Are You Expecting From Your Karate Journey?
- Blue And A Half: where you will read a detailed recount of what happened and the results of the grading…
Excellent! Your karate journey continues even when you are in your home dojo
Thank you for posting the negatives along with the positives Fred!
Osu!
Good luck on your promotion test. Have fun, relax. We know you’re a bad arce. LOL
Osu!
Would your journey have come about without that earlier result? Maybe that was the real reason for 9th Kyu? Maybe you needed that firecracker. Maybe this journey got it’s start from you not getting hwat you wanted, but from what many of us need.
Osu!
Sounds like the test was perfect in retrospect. Now that might not have been the intent. But does it matter? A belt is recognition (by others) and a reminder of your responsibility. You show your wisdom in your introspection. But you have to choose one path. Either you are a 3rd kyu that deserves his belt back or you are a white belt truly starting with a clean slate. If you are really the former, then taking a white belt is just vanity. If you are the latter then taking a white belt is humility. On the second path, you aren’t entitled to any belt or rank despite your own opinion. The flip side is that the belt doesn’t change who you are or what you can do.
Osu!
Hi Fred,
Best of luck tonight on your testing!
Michele
It is always difficult, not just in karate to balance expectations and what you deserve, in reality and you have definitely come to an enlightened understanding that nothing should ever be taken for granted, and that we should never have expectations as it clouds our judgments at the best and worst of times.
As you read from my emails and my struggles, nothing ever comes easy, but i am inspired by you as are many people out there.
Keep training hard and do your best always, i am firmly behind you.
Osu no Seishin Fred!
Osu!7th kyu, ha! Good things come to those who wait. . . and bust their ass! Well done!
Thank you Walter, Michele, Meguro for your kind words and encouragements, appreciated – OSU!
Osu Sandman, my journey is about a search for truth about myself — would it make sense to spin only one side of the coin…
Thank you for your choice of words; positive and negative are a better reflection of our universe than “good and bad” — they are also the essence of attraction.
One day, I’ll have to tell you the Chinese tale of “The Old Man Lost His Horse & He Doesn’t Know If It Is Good Or Bad…”
Osu!
Osu Dent – indeed, drive is born from dissatisfaction; in my case, we both know where that dissatisfaction originated from…
Life has an uncanny ability to get you what you need, maybe not what you want — The question is: Can we see it when that happens?, then: What are we going to do about it?
This karate journey is my response to it.
osu!
Osu Sensei Bob H – Thank you for your wisdom – your lesson clarifies where I am at and removes the shifting sands upon which my karate journey was laid.
It beams the flashlight on my true starting point.
Please see http://www.karatejourney.com/choosing-one-path/ where I explain in further details the lesson you offered me.
Thank you for this gift.
OSU!