A comment from Sensei Bob H on my recent introspective Grading For 8th Kyu post got me thinking about what path I am on. In that article, I explain how expectations misguided me and the lesson I learned. Sensei Bob’s comment reveals the shifting sands upon which my karate journey was laid.  Here is Bob’s comment:

Bob H Says: Sounds like the test was perfect in retrospect. Now that might not have been the intent. But does it matter? A belt is recognition (by others) and a reminder of your responsibility. You show your wisdom in your introspection. But you have to choose one path. Either you are a 3rd kyu that deserves his belt back or you are a white belt truly starting with a clean slate. If you are really the former, then taking a white belt is just vanity. If you are the latter then taking a white belt is humility. On the second path, you aren’t entitled to any belt or rank despite your own opinion. The flip side is that the belt doesn’t change who you are or what you can do. Osu!

Indeed, the test was perfect, my perception of it less so.

Have I chosen one path?

In truth, I am far from 3rd kyu, nor have I a clean slate: I believed I could train with a white belt until I reached my previous level, then be entitled to my green belt. That seemed to make sense when I started. But for some reasons it did not. It brought confusion instead & I got lost. I became oblivious, blind and deaf. Worse so, I was mistaking vanity for humility!

I was using the correct map but didn’t know where I was. Each time I measured the distance traveled, it indicated the wrong location. Sensei Bob shows me the starting point of my chosen road.

A white belt with a clean slate.

Sensei Bob’s lesson, does not change who I am; it clarifies where I come from & where I am at on my chosen path.

I feel like I just shed a whole lot of unnecessary heavy luggage that gratefully, I do not have to carry any longer. I can stop bumping into obstacles, and learn how to deal with them.

Thank you for your wisdom Sensei Bob; you permit me to travel light.

Osu.

Fred

Although many are, not all of you, Dear Readers, are hard core karatekas. To fully enjoy my previous post, Blue And A Half, the understanding of a few concepts is necessary: this article intends to bring a little bit of clarity into the jargon.

The image above shows the color belts of the Kyu ranks in my kyokushin organization. The progression is from left to right, white is beginner, then orange is 10th kyu, orange with a stripe (not shown) is 9th kyu, blue is 8th, 7th with a stripe (that’s me), then yellow for 6th and 5th, green for 4th (Alex) and 3rd, and finally brown for 2nd and 1st (Mr. Ye) – After 1st kyu, you can earn a black belt, also called shodan.

Shodan also means beginner – traditionally, black belt is where the learning really starts; when you attain shodan, you have come full circle from beginner to beginner

Glossary:

• Sanchin dachi – the stance of the three battles.
• Yoi – get ready.
• Kihon – set of basic techniques (like a punch or a kick).
• Pinan Sono San – Kata Pinan 3, requested for 8th kyu.
• Kata – Formalized sequence of techniques.
• Kiai – the famed karateka shout.
• Osu – Salute.
• Kyu – grade before black belt (from 10 novice to 1 most advanced).
• Kumite – sparing, combat.

Please see also:
- Blue And A Half
- Grading for 8th Kyu
- What Are You Expecting From Your Karate Journey?

It took the best part of 8 minutes to examine, approve, confirm and stamp the abilities and progress displayed by the 7 of us taking the leap from 9th to 8th kyu.

Osu! Sanchin dachi! Yoi! Kihon (4 or 5 reps on the count); Pinan Sono San! Yoi!… two kiais , Osu! 40 push ups, 40 kick squats and done; Pfew, that’s efficient or what?! Fred, very good you get 7th Kyu, others pass to 8th kyu. Next! The “being tested & rising to the occasion” left me a little hungry.

Maybe it was winter that cut through the ranks, or maybe a measure of pre-selecting aspiring candidates, I will never know. There were a good 35 of us, expectantly taking a promotion test this week, a third of the numbers from last November.

The testing ranged from 10th for the novices to 4th kyu; the more advanced gradings, beyond 3rd kyu, are conducted in Shanghai; no one was taking 3rd kyu. In total, two students did not pass and two, myself included, got a double promotion, the rest a normal one.

From 5th to 4th kyu, a minute of kumite spiced up the event: this time, two of the three students were paired against each other. I did not see their fight but they must have done well & were promoted.

My friend Alex was battling Mr. Ye at that same time. Mr. Ye is a very good brown belt and our part time instructor. I was curious to see what Alex’s 98Kg and solid low kicks would do to Mr. Ye’s lighter build; a new request to remain inside a square made of 4 mat tiles (yes, 2×2m or 7×7 feet square), dramatically reduced escape options: a little bit like whacking someone in an elevator!

Our dojo limits the techniques one can use at this level: only low kicks and fist techniques are allowed! There must be a rationale to it, but I ignore which. I regret this limitation because my imagination runs wild at the thought of being pitted against a 50 pounds lighter opponent in 4 square meters with no place to run & the possibility to use my knees on their bodies & faces… But let’s not get carried away, the rules will have changed by the time it is my turn.

An hour after it started, everyone was on its way home with a new belt. While driving, I was wondering why we didn’t take the chance to have a good training session with Shihan; there was no urgency, he was not returning to Shanghai that evening; it would have been a pretty good opportunity to learn something.

Osu!

Please see also:
- Understanding Karate Jargon.
- Grading For 8th Kyu
- What Are You Expecting From Your Karate Journey?

Too many minds!

After I graded for 9th Kyu last November, I was extremely frustrated. I resented what had happened and I hated the way I felt about it.

I was in fact expecting a “double grading”; I was training nearly every day and participating in the fighters preps, in spite of severe injuries. Not only was I demonstrating an outstanding spirit, but I was certain that having been 3rd kyu 20 years ago & chosen to start again at white belt was setting me up on a faster track.

Not to avail! I passed the test and obtained the next grade along with everybody else. It is embarrassing to admit that it upset me beyond reason.

I had to vent this frustration:

To vent my frustration; I wrote “a report” in my workout log that claimed and gathered the support of the forum community; I behaved in a way that my dojo peers and superiors would understand my discontentment; I provoked discussions which served as a springboard to advance my own ideas; I even wrote a letter to our Shihan …but did not send it.

What I exposed was my disagreement with poor selection criteria that allowed everyone to pass regardless of their technical skill, level of efforts, etc…

What I was really saying was that I knew I deserved a better grade than 9th kyu, and that anyone that would not recognize that was just a blind idiot!

So much for the virtues of humility.

But I was wrong!

Not that I did not deserve a better grade.

I was wrong to think that because I deserved it, I would obtain it. For some reasons, life does not unfold that way; it has its own timings, sequences and lags, often tied with what one needs to learn!

I was wrong to expect that what was beyond my control; and wrong to wave my own desires in people’s face.

I have been known for, at times, displaying extreme childish behavior — this was one of those times. Maybe in truth, I needed that lesson.

What about now?

Tonight is testing for 8th Kyu; I know I am ready, I have trained hard, my injuries have healed & I am stronger too.

My purpose is to go through the test to the best of my abilities, to be present and whole. I will trust the process and understand that even Shihans are Humans. I have no other expectation outside of fulfilling that purpose…

…I nevertheless have the hope that somehow our organization will tighten its standards, fed with the recent news that a test in SuZhou went pretty badly and many failed; but I will not concern myself with that now!

It is already a win!

My spirit is high, my mind is clear, my body is ready and expecting.

Osu!

.

See also:
- What Are You Expecting From Your Karate Journey?
- Blue And A Half: where you will read a detailed recount of what happened and the results of the grading…

I am too old to find a “sempai” in my dojo; and for other reasons too. Nor am I big into Martial Arts movies and the ideal decorum of old master/young student – calling it a mentor relationship is quite appropriate.

I may have 2, or 5, or 10, or 15 if I am very lucky good years of physical ability in front of me & I intend to make the best of whatever is in store for me.

One of my goals is to attain shodan or more… but I will have to take it one day at a time…

However, I do not want a “discounted” journey; I want “the real thing” – I want to be able to say and know that I earned my kyokushin (or Enshin, Ashihara, Kudo, or whatever style it will be in the end.) black belt; I want to earn it amongst people I respect and have earned the respect of – I want the unforgettable experience that I read from shared experiences; I want the trials and the pain and the discomfort and the challenge and the push beyond my own boundaries and limitations.

I want to test myself and be tested and rise to the occasion.

I want to be able to train with and learn from and teach to my 3 sons that are studying karate in France.

I need guidance and support; if only to help me understand what I am now in a position to expect (due to my old decrepit age – not quite, I am only 46 after all. …and the unbearable lag between my body and my mind – this is true!). Left alone, I see myself competing with strength and agility when I am possibly only trying to catch up… I need someone that will tell me the truth, without malice and without fear.

I want the tight code and spirit that kyokushin has imprinted into my soul long ago & I want to hang around people that share these values. I want that for my sons too.

I want to teach and share and bring a new generation to age and maturity.

I want to be an example for my peers to follow.

I am not the least disillusioned, even if my faith in my fellow humans has somewhat taken more color shades with time.

And when my time will come, I want to welcome it, content, not having to beg for a few extra hours to do these things I’d postponed!

This is what I want; this is who I am…

Osu!

Fred

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The above was first published on Kyokushin For Life forums, at the very start of my considering engaging in my worldwide Karate Journey; the following list of “expectations from their own karate journey” were extracted from the responses on the forum:

• To physically get in shape.
• To conquer a part from my past.
• To regain who I am.
• To grow stronger.
• To find peace.
• To maintain a level of fitness and self-discipline.
• Because I am scared of becoming an old fat and weak geek.
• I’m afraid to die without knowing what it means to be alive
• I hope my journey never ends! Through this life and beyond!
• I want o learn all I can about martial arts
• Because it is fun, and life is about having fun and feeling satisfaction. If martial arts stop being fun, I’ll probably quit.
• I want, to enjoy myself in what I am doing
• I thought basic training pushed me hard, until i started Kyokushin
• It is an expression of who I am now
• The “rewards” get more simple and subtle
• I want worthy challenges and I want a workout that I enjoy; Everything else is a bonus and there are plenty of them.
• I just like to kick people; I love contact – I am a contact person.

Whoever said or thought that Kyokushin was not spiritual?

At this stage, someone justly remarked that all the entries so far deal with goals that are spiritual in nature; not spiritual in a religious way but in a self improvement sort of way. No one has mentioned (yet) that their martial arts journey is about self protection. This colored the discussion with a different shade.

• A beginner usually joins for self-defense or being a better fighter; most have moved beyond that.
• It’s easy to overlook the original reasons; we actually become preoccupied with “self improvement”.
• It has always been about the journey rather than the goals; I prefer my journey to be ongoing and ever changing.
• Once a door opens and I enter that room, my journey changes and a new direction arises with new adventures in learning.
• Self-defense is not my main interest, it is important and practicing with self-defense in mind does keep it real and keep karate from degenerating.
• I can find a way to not freeze out of fear when something happens; sort of a “mental self defense”.
• It is about challenging and bettering myself; I think it does better prepare me for some situations, but these are unlikely. What is certain though is my next encounter in a knock down tournament and that is what I train for.
• I have already gained so much both mentally and physically.
• All the improved health, respect, honor, and discipline is just fringe benefits to punching people in the organs until they go “bleh” and fall down.
• I just enjoy the journey and am not bothered about the outcomes; I just do martial arts for kicks!

And you, Dear Reader, what are your expectations from your journey through life? Please share with all of us in the comments below.